Monday, February 27, 2006

Blood Sucking Butterflies

I met my new best friend today, Shaka-Khan, a myeloma expert (and oncologist). Like his name sake from the early 1800's, Shaka Zulu, who revolutionized the Zulu army's weaponry and its military tactics, Shaka-Khan has perfected several complex drug formations that will outflank and confuse my laughing plasma cells. Shaka's weapon of choice today was a blood sucking butterfly, with lime green wings, silver nose and a transparent thorax. Amazingly the thorax quickly sucked out 15 vials of deep red bubbly blood inducing a hypnotic awe inspiring trance. I thought I was anemic - I am now - I could not have been earlier today!

The poor intern who got stuck with my intake and discharge was so confused, overwhelmed and badgered by the keyboard queens at the checkout window that the quickly growing line all got in a good laugh at her expense. You need requisition A347B for that test, two RP27 direct booking assignment sheets to complete an in house MRI, a runner form 832 so Genie can get a one gallon urine jug from the lab and on and on and on. They had to build a copy machine just for me because I needed to know how many of my future offspring and what part of my kids inheritance I signed away rights to before I would leave. That was 12 pages long, each of which needed to be initialized, notarized, finger printed and sealed with blood.

Isn't life grand. The medical kings and queens try oh so hard to win the battle against entropy.

I closed out the day with a hypnotist for 3 hours. That fixed everything, world peace, hunger, cancer, and poverty, all gone. (for at least 2 of the 3 hours anyways)

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