Sunday, March 26, 2006

Cliff Diving

Thursday was cliff diving day. I completed my sex ed survey and expect an armored vehicle delivery of Thalidomide on Monday. The thalidomide should put me to sleep, the dexamethasone should wake me up, the rat poison (warfarin) should keep my blood thin, prevent me from scavenging mindlessly for food and turning my friends in to the authorities for unlawful behavior.

The surreal seemingly healthy Scott is taking the plunge. I hate diving boards, heights and cliff diving in general. I've been watching the waves and pray that my timing is perfect.

My whirlwind vacation to the Oregon coast was spectacular - thanks Rosie and Mark! Our camp is in good order, but pulling with a mighty grip on my psyche to come relax, explore, build, fix and invent. It is a safe haven of delight and passion.

Just why is mister tennis, active, meditating, organic, ohm wow Scott who feels fine (except for the fatigue) got this nasty "incurable" blood cancer? Heck my Mom sent me to school with organic figs as snacks over 30 years ago. If anyone told you life was fair they were either delusional or attempting to delude you. Then on top of that add all the controversy theories about the AMA, FDA and big pharma into the mix and there is more than enough fear to kill anyone. Buy into just a little bit of the fear and look at complementary therapies (not even alternatives) and there is a mind numbing barrage of people who want your money because

"We are not the cheapest source, but we are the BEST source..."
"We refuse to carry low-cost, inferior quality..."
"No other company can match our skill, sophistication or experience when it comes to providing you with guaranteed potency, research quality,..."

Alternative cancer therapy is so full of clich├ęs that it makes me sick reading it. Maybe I'm just to logical.

Stop, breeth, seek peace and move forward.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

The Cocktail Party

The party starts next week. I'm just so excited. I have never been to a cocktail party that required a condom and a sex ed class to attend. There better be plenty of those umbrellas in my drinks.

The sex ed part is code named STEPS. These appear to be the important steps:

1. Establish appropriateness (impossible)
2. Contraceptive counseling, including counseling on emergency contraception (this is quite the party)
3. Administer the patient quiz (and if I fail? how many times do I get to try?)
4. Informed consent (It's ok, I like sex)
5. Mandatory and confidential survey enrollment form (I'll do it, really, and I won't be scared limp!)

Pregnant women are not allowed - thank god. In fact sterile women are preferred. A steroid and other sweeteners are added to cocktail to enhance effectiveness and counter side effects.

I've really done it now!

The Echo Cardio Game with Loyd

Loyd didn't show - the limey skit. His presence was not missed, although I was hoping to bleed him dry. We watched TV instead. My little thumping pumping heart was the feature presentation. I can do without the slimy snot they smeared all over me. Decomposing tissues are a feeble weapon against snot filled chest hair.

The skeletal survey was loads more fun. I've got plans for Halloween! Then there was the glowing MRI tube that buzzes and grunts. I wonder who invents this shit. They must have bulging pocket protectors and thick glasses.