Monday, April 10, 2006

The Wilderness

An exotic species invaded my unspoiled drug free wilderness last week and has been ravaging through the forest feeding on all the tasty myeloid plasma cells. The delicate ecosystem is now listing slightly out of balance. In my case balance was a minor issue. The manic sleep deprived nights were more emergent. My best description was "I feel like Peter looks." If you know my dear friend Peter Homer then you'll have a pretty good idea of my state of mind. If not, drink a few glasses of wine and a few pots of coffee, then spin in place 10 times. Now stand still for a minute to get your bearings, walk with a shuffle, turned slightly sideways and try to stay focused.

I'm on a 4 days on, 4 days off steroid schedule. After 4 days with no steroids I actually feel like a human this morning. I'll be riding the dex-coaster again tomorrow. I also plan on teaching and living life with an attitude, in part because I know what to expect. In part because I'm determined to make this work.

Deb Sherman's (a dear old high school friend) partner Kerry died on Tuesday of cancer. The service on Saturday was exceptionally intense for me. It is always moving when death touches the young and seemingly healthy. Kerry and Deb blazed a path deep into my wilderness, taking me places I am still afraid of and uneasy with. On the flip side was the outpouring love and compassion from our friends. We are blessed with an amazingly loyal family of friends who are helping me keep the darkness at bay. Deb, know that you are loved. You are a wonderful soul.

God bless.


Anonymous said...

Enjoy your blog. My husband was a teacher also, and taught for 5 years after his diagnosis. Can I post a link to your blog on mine?

Karen said...

So sorry to hear about the loss of your friend.